I know I still have to say something about how June went for me and all that, but right now, there's something way more important to talk about, a topic only looked at from a distant point of view, treated as if it wasn't even real.
Depression.
I've lived with someone who suffers from depression and didn't ask for help for seven very long years. No will to get up, to do things - even the smallest things - not even if they make you happy. It's hard to understand, but people tend to be ignorant assholes when it comes to this. They tend to say things like "hey, that's not that worse" or "just try to be happy". They tend to think it's easy to say "Hi, I have a depression." And yes, they tend to say "suicide is not a solution and it hurts the people who love you."
The last one might be true, but it's not that depressed people don't know. They just don't know how to go on because they see that they hurt the ones they love anyways. Because depression hits hard on everyone you surround with it, even those who are not depressed but care about someone who is.
But it is not that easy.
It's not that easy to open up to anyone. Because people are ignorant assholes. Because depression isn't taken serious. Because it is so damn hard to open up and show the weakest side of you, the one that hurts so terribly, the one you are even afraid of. It is damn hard to talk about this stranger inside. Because people will judge. And that's when finally, all you want to do is escape.
I know more than just one person who feels or felt like this. People that are close to me, people I love. Brent Smith says: "The will to live will always outweight the ability to die." I adore this man, and this gives strength to many, but it is not true for all of us. Those who think about suicide do not talk about it. They are too afraid to open up, too ashamed or maybe they tried and all they got were judgemental looks and words.
So, for hell's sake, just listen to the words unspoken. Just look closely. Ask people how they feel.
And do not fucking judge them for anything they say or feel. I know so many who won't talk about their problems because the feel they are too small to the world. That's not true! This is not a competition, it's just feelings. It doesn't matter if someone else feels worse or has problems that are worse than yours. If you have something in your live that makes you feel upset, that bothers you and that pushes you to the edge of despair, it's important and it's not too small for anyone to listen to it. Then it has to be taken seriously.
Go out there, listen to your friends, family and lovers and tell them how much you care for them.
Don't fucking judge what you don't understand.
Depression killed Chester Bennington and it killed Chris Cornell and Robin Williams. That's what we see and what shocks us. But it does kill millions of people everyday. Even if they don't commit suicide. Because it kills them anyways, deep inside.
Lend a helping hand. Ask for help. I know it's hard, but we have to talk about this. It is real. It is dangerous. It is a desease. And it hits more of us than we might think.
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